You know, whenever Microsoft is involved in weird shit, I’m a happy camper. I love the fact that the ‘magic wand’ will become a reality in my time. :)  Although, if Ollivander is correct, and the core relates directly to the user, I think my estimation is probably correct.

As you recall, Mr. Gates released mosquitoes on a group he invited to his house like Mr. Burns releasing the hounds. So, making a magic wand sounds like something he’d direct Microsoft to do.

Alienmastermind

This explains why I didn’t play Mega Man until Mega Man 2 came out, with the fresh box art. The guy shitting his pants on the cover of Mega Man drove me to rent Fist of the North Star instead. But this box art thing was worse when I had to make choices based upon nothing BUT box art to go on.

There are websites now based on poking fun at the Atari’s old box art, but, Adventure was the one game I was truly excited about owning by looking at the box art. Even now, that little yellow dot was, in my mind, every fantasy hero I’d ever read about. It was Fafhrd, it was Conan, it was Elric of Melnibone. Which reminds me that unless your visual cues are painted out in every color of the rainbow with super-realistic shading and textures, you can’t suspend your disbelief.

As it stands, I’m not the only enthusiast of the old 2600 game, Adventure. Apparently, these guys made Adventure II, which was never released, but based on the 5200 architecture.

And above, there are some guys from the Penny Arcade boards who are working on an Adventure reboot!

Also, the dragons in the game, the ones that look like big old ducks? They each have names.

Wow. Also, I think today’s dragon is probably the nicest looking thing I’ve put into the comic in a while. I hope you all enjoyed it.

See you Friday!

Alienmastermind  

Sorry to spoil it for you.

So, Assassin’s Creed 2 is coming!

I’m hyped. I liked the first one, because free-running through Acre and grabbing hidden flags, and knifing beggars and mental patients is wonderfully cathartic after getting out of my day job.

Leo’s dialogue are quotes from the man himself. However, I think his lament concerning the quality of his work seems somehow obscene, that one of the masters of creating beauty from nothingness had that niggling little voice, even after creating something like the Mona Lisa, or his illustrations of political enemies as Biblical figures. The man was beyond genius, he was as influential on our race as a whole as Jesus, Mohammad, or Estelle Getty…and yet he still thought the things he produced weren’t good enough.

I think it will surprise my readers to know (unless they write or draw or do anything artistic at all) that the voice exists in ‘toonists, flutists, actors, and just about everyone who creates for an audience. It’s comforting, I suppose.

Thanks for reading, hope you enjoy. And don’t forget, we have an email address, so if you like what you see or don’t…let me know!

See you Wednesday,

Alienmastermind.

Anyway, there was a game called Syndicate for the PC and it was a great title back in the mid 90s, and foresaw a glum and dismal future where corporate masters war over resources and currency. (Editor’s Note: I think you can smell the ’strangely prophetic’ joke coming a mile away…make a dick joke instead)

So, the most awesome news for me and the elderly gentlemen who remember the game; apparently EA is reviving the title! Of course, this is a rumor that was propulgated on April the 1st, and we all know how much I love ‘April Fool’s’ jokes.

Anyway, today’s comic is about Syndicate, and conversations I’ve had with this week’s producer. Actually, ‘production’ in this case was handing me the sketch to put on the scanner. But shit, if giving Naomi Campbell oxycontin and dodging her cell phone makes you her ‘assistant’, then, Mr. Chaky is indeed a ‘producer’.

See you Monday,

Alienmastermind

So, that, plus a creepy joke….COMEDY!

Alienmastermind

Addendum: Heh…Sugar-Frosted Christ. Twice the Calories of Sweet Jesus!

I never thought I’d use those words outside of my forays into the arcade to play Street Fighter. But apparently, House of the Dead: Overkill has set the World’s Record for ‘Most Profane Game Ever’. I didn’t even know that was a Record. I guess if ‘Biggest Fat Guy With A Cowboy Hat And A Twin Brother On A Moped’ is a record, I guess saying the ‘f’ word a lot deserves some mention.

You know, I think that  Nintendo is setting a bad trend, though. I mean, Nintendo these days is like that friend who you’ve fallen out of touch with, but then returns and over-amps his personality to remind you who he was…Yeah, Nintendo, you made Killer Instinct…we know! Chill the ‘f’ out, man. Also, maybe this is a secret SEGA plot to ruin the Wii by dragging the Wii down the toilet. If they wanted to do that, though, they could have made suggestions during the design phase.

Alienmastermind

Alas.

What’s going on here, is that I got burned…BAD…by a Star Wars MMO in the past. And this was a huuuuuuuuuuuge stinkburger of a game. Bleccchh. Initially, living in the Star Wars Universe, beginning a path to become a droid crafter, then realizing that just building and digging and building was just wasting my money each month. And then the reveal of the secret path to Jedi was just a random drop somewhere in the millionth level, and it was basically: Spend a hundred bucks leveling in all these unrelated classes, then…YOU WILL BE A JEDI!!

Then came the patch that made everyone a Jedi, and Han Solo was the guy hanging out in the space station meeting everyone and giving them a big handshake and ‘how do you’ do to every player entering the game.

Watching the trailer for the behind the scenes stuff, I was intrigued by the possibility of everyone’s stories unfolding in the universe…but, then that would mean I could just ignore the second M in the MMORPG, and pay over and over for what amounts to a single player game with a live audience from Bioware. I’m nervous about this game, and since my laptop is designed for typing and drawing, not gaming, means BioWare lost a little money leaving out the consoles that made their KotOR franchise…you know, a franchise.

May the Force be with Y’all.

Alienmastermind

Shigeru Miyamoto is a man who has contributed to my happiness over the years. And in every broken barrel in Donkey Kong, and every crushed ’shroom in Super Mario Brothers, and every duck hunted with help from my sarcastic shit of a dog, I never once thought the man who could produce so much happiness…while making money angels, no less…could possibly know depression.

So, when a fabulously wealthy man who does for a living what I could only dream complains of depression following a commercial success, rather than disappointment…

I just go ahead and draw a smartass comic about it.

Alienmastermind

Apparently, my comic ain’t all that funny to the folks who peruse it at www.isitfunnytoday.com. To that, I can only say, I don’t get it. But I have a comic coming forthwith that will explain my confusion.

In other news, Rob, one of my buddies here in town, recently had a birthday. It was officially a bash. A ‘Ballroom Blitz’. We celebrated in the local saloon attached to the local bowling alley. Upon arrival, I saw that lots of the fellas there were festooned with cowboy hats, jeans, studded belts, et al. In other words; cowboys. These guys were singing their country best, and didn’t disappoint. They even sang both kinds of music: Country AND Western. Rob, even though he looked like Hank Williams Jr., wasn’t exactly a fan of the country, so our party decided to throw down.

From ‘Ballroom Blitz’ to Journey’s ‘Don’t Stop Believin’ (sung by your humble author), the night was a drunken orgy of laughter, tears, and surprisingly few punches thrown! Actually, there was a tense moment near the end of the night, when one of the guys moseyed on over to me…and if I’m lying, I’m dying, because this dude was straight up mosey-ing.

He bombs up to me and says ‘What are you drinking?’

At the moment, it was a devil’s brew called ’Three Wise Men’….made into a drink so I could nurse it a little. 

The man then proceeds to buy me another, and demands that I sing ‘Rock Lobster’ for him and the other fiends at his table. Drunken swagger overtaking me, I then sang a rendition of Rock Lobster that was truly epic on every concieveable level. But not before I got everyone in our party to head up to the stage to sing ‘Come Sail Away’ by Styx for Rob, with Rob on the final verse and chorus doing a solo, that made everyone in the house jump up and scream.

I was still drunk the following morning. But much like Emmett Brown, I woke up with a vision of a three part story arc. 

Which is only kind of funny. So, I will also be putting up my birthday gift to Rob and John (sorry, pally, I didn’t get to do it last weekend), a little bonus comic! It’s called ‘The Curious Case of Vader’s Buttons’.

Enjoy!

Alienmastermind

Rockstar has accepted money from me in the past on about five occasions. I bought GTA III, Vice City, San Andreas, Bully Scholarship Edition, and Manhunt 2. Also, I bought GTA IV on release day. Solid gameplay being the reason for it, and the open world sandbox gaming of GTA, and the mindbending take on proper societal behavior a close second reason. But here, in the first downloadable add-on for GTA IV was a tag that said ‘Full Frontal Nudity’.

Being a former kid, I remember seeing ‘Brief Nudity’ on things like NYPD Blue, and thinking to myself…’Sweet!’. Then, it ends up being the puckered hairy cheeks of Dennis Franz.

So when Rockstar delivers ‘Full Frontal’, I’d figure it would be something unexpected. But this! THIS is insane! Let me say this: You get to see the whole shebangabang. Warts and all. Twigs and berries. Meat and two veg. Heavy D AND the Boys. Wee Willie and the Winkies. Frank and Beans. Loggins and Messina. You get the drift. A buffalo shot to drive you screaming into the hill country.

The cartoon had around three different punchlines, varying from downright dirty, to a pun, and finally the one you see today. The pun punchline was my favorite. “I’ve Lost my erection and Damned if I’ll ever have another.” Too precious.

Hope you guys enjoyed the comic, and happy birthday to John, one of my readers and friends from high school!

Alienmastermind