Dipswitch Blog

I KNOW ABOUT MALARIA.

Love,
Alienmastermind

But seriously, holy–I mean…shit…did, uh…did you read this? So, this is some crazy Lex Luthor stuff going on here. I mean, he wants to raise awareness, just tell people about malaria, or send everyone a Hotmail about it, or name the next iteration of Windows “Windows Malaria Edition”…Or, just donate a shitload of money to malaria research. But releasing clouds of mosquitos on people who like you?

I now know why Mr. Gates demanded a limo with bucket seats.

It’s to hold his very large balls.

Alienmastermind

Okay, today’s comic is about two things that were incongruous, and needed to be put into comics.

So, the wife and I were traveling home from our day job discussing the Matrix, because of the SModcast, ‘SMorpheus’,  we were listening to in the car. And suddenly, it occurred to me that if the tracer program were in suppository form rather than pill form, nobody would ever leave the Matrix. Then I laughed and laughed about the ‘rabbit hole’, and voila, a comic was born.

Also, two games are coming out that I’m psyched about. DC Universe Online and Champions Online .

But, as I’ve mentioned both here and over at CoG, I’m a married guy. That means most of my budgetary decisions are made by committee. Most of the time, I can buy whatever, but in terms of MMOs, it’s a hard sell for something that only I would be able to play…also, my computer? Not a fly ride, to be sure….it’s probably better described as ‘barebones’.  But because Champions is coming out for the XBOX 360, I’m probably going to be re-rolling Catalyst, my hero from the very first Champions game I ever played.

But, I’m still up in the air, and many of my friends are anti-MMO, because they’re console gamers, and my friendship with them is only strained when I start mentioning my old favorite games, and they just stare at me blankly.

I hope you enjoyed the comic, and the peek into my very normal life.

Alienmastermind

But I keed the ‘battle booties’. 

Look, I know that Tycho over at Penny Arcade thinks that the control scheme is fine, because it makes you ‘mindful’ of your surroundings. I agree that the indolent manner in which my on screen character responds to my commands builds tension. However, it’s the wrong kind of tension. See being mindful of my surroundings would be easier if the camera didn’t ride me like a freak without warning, and the controls do not alleviate this problem.  I don’t like the slow turning radius, and in single player, it’s even more contemptible as you point your weapon at your partner, she darts away like a hummingbird on crank. Moving fast and shooting doesn’t seem to be a problem for her, but you move like you’re wearing lead weights. 

“Oh no! Zombies!” I say, and then mosey on into a nearby building. “Quick, bar the windows!” then I meander over, and shove a bookcase.

“Cover me!” as I stroll into position and fire into the crowd of mutated freaks.

Hooray for danger!

I know this is just the demo, but if the game is chock-a-block full of enemies and they all have handheld weapons and apparently a measure of speed to go along with them, you begin the game outmatched.

Because of the controller.

And, that, is the kind of bullshit we accepted in the past because it was traditional for ’survival horror’ games to be controlled like hog shit. (See: Silent Hill, Resident Evil 1-4, Eternal Darkness, and Dino Crisis) But, this isn’t the PS2, or the PS1 even. This is supposed to be the ‘next generation’ of consoles, and we’re using a control scheme designed for the GameCube for crying out backwards. I have to respectfully disagree with the people who think this is perfectly fine. And my rebuttal would be two words: Dead Space.

Moody, dangerous, but didn’t control like buckets of oatmeal that left a sticky trail of syrup behind you. Isaac moves like a being with mass, and is still realistic. Sprinting and gunning doesn’t work, but moving like you’re aware of danger and shooting does in that game. What, Resident Evil is waiting for the year 3000 to improve its fluidity of control? We’ve seen what can be done, and sadly Capcom didn’t change much about the game.

All of this said, I get what they were trying to do. I just don’t like this particular choice, though it ain’t gonna stop me from buying RE5.

Alienmastermind

Oh boy! A new Final Fantasy game, and with it, a new inscrutible trailer!

Much like The Pretenders, I’m saying ‘Don’t Get Me Wrong’ here, I love me some Final Fantasy, but this trailer is chock full of insanity. Wall to wall kooky, and filled to the brim with wonderful, beautiful madness. The gameplay looks awesome, and the animations for the cutscenes is, of course, masterwork. But, this trailer is edited in such a way that you can get NO feeling of context. Especially since the dialogue scenes are so brief as to only give you a glimpse of syntax, and the rest are narrations of inexplicable action sequences.

All this happens in the trailer’s two minutes and thirty-six seconds, and leaves you feeling like Dan Rather.

Enjoy the comic, and this weekend, Coraline comes out…you’re a fool if you miss it.

Alienmastermind

The comic today? It’s about this.

The People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals rate Fable II the best videogame of last year. For graphics? No. For storytelling, perhaps? Again, my Socratic friend, no. No, PeTA thinks that Fable II is great because in a sideways kind of way it promotes veganism as a healthy lifestyle choice. Polar opposite to say, ‘Cooking Mama’ which promotes the ‘Holocaust on your Dinner Plate’.

This is muddy water, to be sure. As Fable II would then be seen to also ‘promote’:
- Child Abuse
- Chicken Punting /Torture (eating ‘em raw)
- Bigamy
- Homosexuality (not that there’s anything wrong with that, but it gives the conservative video game hating movement more bullets to fire at my hobby)

So, to Ingrid and her animal loving compadres, I ask nicely, ‘Please stay the fuck away from video games.’  Because, I don’t want red paint thrown at me because I play Zelda, which has Link riding around on a horse, and beating it to make it run faster. I don’t want to be tar and synthetic plastic feathered because I play Mario and he stomps the living shit out of turtles. And I don’t want to be a social pariah because I play Donkey Kong Country and slap my Diddy.

It’s when these well-meaning people decide to become politically active, and start telling other people how they should live that they begin to annoy me. It doesn’t seem like the things PeTA do are subtle, are ever nuanced, and are ever all that well thought out. 

On a lighter note, I believe that Col. Sanders playing Fable just to harangue the chickens is pretty damned funny. 

See you Wednesday!

Alienmastermind

Yeah, the comic is pretty easy to follow, I suppose.  But the real thing that puzzles me is how we keep hearing that a recession is killing the gaming industry, somehow proving that games aren’t recession-proof. Ask Nintendo about the recession, if you can get past their giant wall of money and naked ladies.

Here’s what Sony says about Microsoft.

And, in a witty retort — Microsoft fires back.

Before you email me, I know the joke in the comic exists in the news article. I think my punchline is funnier.

By way of total disclosure, I own a 360. I own a Wii, too. And, I plan on owning a PS3 sometime in the near future. I just need to pool the insane amount of cash together (and the goodwill of my good lady wife, of course) to purchase one. The recession might not be slowing sales of gear and software, but it’s putting a pinch on the cruft I add to my cave, you know? But anyway, the whole fight is somewhat anachronistic isn’t it? I know there are fanboys of all three systems, but loving your platform of choice, to the exclusion of all else, means you won’t get to play awesome stuff out there that’s exclusive to the infidels. I mean, Fable 2 is XBOX Only, and Resistance is PS3 Only. But from what I’ve played of Resistance at a buddy of mine’s house, the games are impressive on the PS3.  

So, what I need now is a PS3, and to see the glory of great games like…uh…what is out for the PS3 now, anyway?

Alienmastermind

Okay, so maybe three comics at three panels each ain’t exactly a saga.

But it is my favorite game right now. It’s always fun for me, with the exception of playing with people I don’t know. I’ve got a special Saturday comic this week coming out about that, but this comic is about playing with the guys over at Colony of Gamers.

CoGgies are fun to play with, as they’re not complete asshats, and they know their roles when you’re beset on all sides by the slavering Infected of Standard City, Very Big Airport, Creepy Farm, or Bad Idea Tunnel. The comic’s impetus was brought on by two events in the game, one was me getting popped for skulking about in the red without my light on…I sort of brought that on myself, to tell the truth.

There I am, dragging myself from the window of the trainyard in Blood Harvest, hearing the keening of the Witch, turning my flashlight off to keep her from ending my life…then…BANG. “Sorry!”

It’s the “Sorry” that made me forgive all. It was SpockRocket, who said it like Ray Stanz from the Ghostbusters, and that made me forgive and forget. The plan in the comic was a plan I actually came up with for one of the surge points, and it went well. Until the Infected showed up. The thought of just immolating the guy carrying the gasoline didn’t occur to me first, which makes me worry about the state of the human condition in particular, the folks over at CoG. But, on Z-day, there’s no one I’d rather have at my back than the Coggies!

New comic on Friday. Enjoy!

Alienmastermind.

Hey everyone, this entry is a little late in the showing up department. The reason is my sister in law just got married! I got a vacation, and you guys got stiffed on the blog entry.

If, in fact, you read the blog entry.

Now, this is the first comic about Left 4 Dead, and it’s basically a contemplation on the survival horror heroes. There’s four people (except for the rescuers) ostensibly left alive in the world. And, in this scenario of four people, it’s three dudes and one lady. So, the competition’s dead, or dangling from a ledge…you do what you gotta do, is all I’m saying.

The next comic will be up on Monday, as well as the blog entry!

Thanks for reading! And, if you don’t vote for us, you’re not a good survivor.

Alienmastermind

Har-de-har har.

Well, this week’s comic is pretty self-explanatory. It was the product of my opinion that the World Series Of Poker players have become a little ridiculous with protecting their poker faces. I mean, where does it end? A diving helmet from 20,000 Leagues Under the Sea? Which brings me to the Big Daddy’s problem: a very BAD poker face.

Hope you enjoy.

Alienmastermind.

Okay, I’m not sure how many people have been reading the blog as well as the comic. But, this entry is going to be a big thank you to Mike Weldon. Mike is the webmaster of the site, and makes sure the stuff all works so I can put up comics and enter blogs like this one.

The fact is, without Mike Weldon, there would be no www.dipswitchcomics.com . So, thanks, Mike for bringing my game up to another level, man.

And, the new comic is sort of a welcome aboard to new readers, and for all you homies from the past, expect big things from us coming up!

Alienmastermind